Five Ridiculous Things People Say to Those Struggling to Conceive (and How to Survive Them)

Let’s be real—fertility is a subject that often gets tiptoed around. And that’s a shame, considering that 1 in 6 couples face fertility challenges, and 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. So, why is it still such a taboo topic?

Many women struggling with infertility have told me they hesitate to share their journey with friends and family. The reason? When they do open up, they’re often met with insensitive comments or unsolicited advice that leaves them feeling worse.

If you’ve been on the receiving end of these misguided pearls of wisdom, you’re not alone. Here are five of the most annoying things people say to someone navigating infertility—along with what you wish you could say and what you actually said instead.

1. “You should try IVF!”

What you want to say:
Wow, what an original idea! It’s not like I’ve spent hours researching it or considering it already. Oh wait, I did try it. Did you know it's’ expensive, emotionally draining, and doesn’t guarantee success. But thanks for the genius suggestion—you really saved the day!

What you actually said:
“Thanks for the advice. I’ve tried IVF, but unfortunately, it didn’t work. We’re still weighing our options for the future.”

2. “You can always adopt.”

What you want to say:
Ah, adoption—the magical solution! Because it’s fast, free, and totally easy, right? Oh, wait… it’s actually an expensive and complicated process with no guarantees. But thanks for the reminder. I’ll be sure to keep you updated (or not).

What you actually said:
“We’ve considered adoption and even started the process. Fingers crossed for now!”

3. “Don’t worry, I know someone who had their first baby at 55.”

What you want to say:
Really? With her own eggs? Sure. Because biology works like that. But thanks for the laugh—I needed it.

What you actually said:
“Wow, really? That’s incredible! Thanks for sharing—it gives me hope.”

4. “You just need to relax.”

What you want to say:
Oh, of course! The secret to conception is a bubble bath and some wine. I’ll just kick back and wait for the stork. But wait, didn’t you also say my life is easier because I don’t have kids yet? So which is it? I’m confused. Pass the wine.

What you actually said:
“Maybe you’re right. Speaking of relaxing, want another glass of wine?”

5. “You can have one of mine!

What you want to say:
Great, let’s draw up the paperwork. You’ll hand over custody, and I’ll take him home tonight. Don’t worry, I’ll explain it all to the authorities when they come looking for him. Actually, never mind—he’s too much like you. You can keep him.

What you actually said:
“I said I’m struggling to have kids, not that I’m losing my mind! But thanks for the offer lol”

Finding Humor in the Chaos

I hope this gave you a chuckle because let’s face it—sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. Sharing these kinds of stories with others on the same journey can bring much-needed comic relief and remind you that you’re not alone.

The truth is, most people don’t mean to be insensitive. Infertility is a subject so many are uncomfortable discussing, and they simply don’t know how to provide the right support. Until that changes, we’ll likely keep hearing this kind of advice.

But maybe, we can help shift the conversation and create more awareness—one awkward comment at a time.

Stay tuned for more humor and support along this journey. 😊